one year

I have felt so much in the past three weeks. October 26th (one year ago) Brigham was born. Today, Nov 16 he passed away. It was as if everyday I thought of how one year ago that day went. I have felt so much peace. I have felt so much longing and a great desire to see him again. On his birthday we threw him a little birthday party. My sisters showed up and surprised me with a book of letters written to Brigham and myself. It was so wonderful and thoughtful. We celebrated with cake and ice cream and my moms chicken enchiladas. It was actually a really good bright day. I thought of Brigham and his grand entrance into this world. He was so bright and full of the spirit. I felt so blessed that he fought for so long. I loved every second spent with him for those three weeks.

Now today I am reminded of the last sweet tender moments I spent with him. The last minutes of his life where he was completely mine, disconnected from all machines. Rubbing my cheek to his, singing primary songs. Just him and I alone in the room, then the doctor gently tapping my shoulder telling me his heart had stopped. I had never felt such a feeling of peace envelope over my body. My sweet Brig free to now swaddle his mother in his embrace. Oh what a tender day this will always be for me. I love you Brig.