Sometimes life's okay

Were to even begin? I think that saying, "We're Okay" is a good start.

I never knew I could experience such happiness and sadness in a single situation. Brig's funeral was beautiful. It was perfect, just like him. I loved that Aubree was climbing up and down Joe and I while we were giving our talks, and I loved that Ryah tried to grab the microphone while the kids were singing there song. I've come to terms that life is funny, and you really need to enjoy it and find purpose in every journey, even the hard ones, but especially the easy ones.
It's hard to accept that life moves forward. I'm really glad that it does, it's just hard. I feel lucky to know I will eventually get to raise him, but for the time being I get a little thrown off still with no baby in hand. You have to let life move forward and find purpose and meaning... to find happiness. I feel we may have lost Brig for the time being, but have gained so much more in return and for that I am thankful.There are things that I have felt and learned that I never would have comprehended before. Brigham taught me very much with his short life here on earth. I know these newly gained experiences have already helped me be a better person and will continue to help me to remember my purpose in life. So with that I say thank you Brig.

Thank you everyone who came, and who wished that they could have come. If you missed his graveside, the picture above is all the kids letting go of their balloons for Brig. Sweet Klaire gave her balloon a kiss and said that she was "sending" it up to Brigham. We have amazing family and friends and I really can't thank everyone enough. I love you all.

Our sweet angel Brigham

Brigham Paul Denhalter

Born to Joe and Chelsea Denhalter on October 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Our sweet little lion man passed away November 16, 2011 at 2:05 am

Words can't describe the sweet tender moments we were able to spend with Brigham. I feel so blessed that I was able to have him for three wonderful weeks. I look forward to be reunited with him when the time comes!

I love you Brigham, thank you for teaching me so much in the three weeks you were here. You may have had a weak body but I know you are a mighty and valiant spirit. I feel so lucky to be your momma. I can't wait for the day when I get to hold you in my arms again sweet son! Until we meet again.

Saturday at the pioneer park chapel we will hold a viewing from 9 to 10 and then briefly Joe and I will speak and the we will head over to the cemetery. All who have been touched by Brig's legacy are invited to come. Thank you everyone for your support, love, meals, cleaning, and so much more. We love you.

my brave little lion

So here is a picture of Brigham a week after his first open heart surgery. He was so wide awake and alert. This little boy is so brave. I respect in so many different ways.

The lion represents our strong little Brig. Each of my girls have one to remember Brig while we are in the hospital and Brig always has one either in his bed or right by his bedside. They use the lion to prop up lines, tubes etc. whatever needs to be held up. The lion describes Brig perfectly... He is so tough and such a little fighter with such a big will power. I love my little lion boy so much.

 updates on how the surgery went: They did find a couple of small insignificant leaks, but nothing major where they could see the fluid actually draining out like they were hoping. They did do the pleuradisis while they were in there.(irritated the lungs for swelling to minimize leakage). That seemed to help the chest tube drainage, but he is now having a very difficult time with damaged lungs. His lungs were already bad to begin with, so now he's have a hard time recovering from it. Last night was a really rocky night. They have kept a close eye on him all day and have kept him heavily sedated with a paralysis to keep him from moving at all. He has a low blood pressure so any type of movement or irritation makes his blood pressure drop even lower. His body isn't quiet receiving the blood that it needs to. They've put him on a few more meds and upped his EPI five times the dose it was at. This helps contract the heart and it pushes out more blood. He hasn't progressed at all today which is discouraging. We are waiting to see how the night goes and hope and pray it takes a turn for the better. I love that cute little face so much! He's so amazing...I wish everyone has the chance to meet him. He is so strong and is putting up the fight of his life. I won't put any pictures of him on now because he's in pretty rough shape. but at least you get to see him and his awesome scar from his first surgery.

Love you Brig. Keep the fight little lion man!

so much uncertainty

This picture is from last Tuesday. They let me hold him a day after they put his PDA stint in. It is always a treat to hold this little man. I have not been able to hold him since this pictue. Little Brig has a mind of his own now. Every time there is too much noise, or if they have to move him, all his alarms start beeping and his numbers/heart rate go crazy.I am so grateful for the times I do get to hold him. It is a privilege.

As far as how he is doing... From a cardiologist standpoint, he's pretty good. But for the past week he has been putting out a large number of fluid from his chest tubes (Chglous effusion). Normal is around 50 to 70 cc every twenty four hours, and Our sweet little man is putting out 530 cc. They can only put back 400 cc of fluid in. They doctors have been quite concerned because he is loosing plasma which carries all the nutrients such as proteins, white blood cells, fat and antibodies. He's starting to look a little too skinny. They were hoping it would start going away on its own, but he's shown no sign of improvement for the last week.

Today they decided to take him back down to the OR open him back up and look to see if there is a cut on the lymphatics. We are hoping and praying that this is the problem! If not we have to wait it out and see what happens. They were thinking of giving him a medication called Octreotide, but there hasn't been great reports with it and it doesn't come without its problems. The other option was to do a pleurodesis where they basically irritate the lung walls so they swell and then they would hope the lymphatics would restrict and therefor restrict the drainage. The reason they don't want to do this is because they would just be damaging lung tissue and his lungs are already pretty damaged. So today off to surgery again!

Our poor sweet little Brigham has been through the ringer. We know it's a process and we are hopeful everything turns out right. I love this boy so much. He's finally starting to wake up a little and it's really hard to hear he has to go back under and be cut open again.

Once again I ask for you to pray for Brig, pray that the doctors can figure this thing out. Thank you for all who have prayed in our families behalf. I can't say that enough. We have felt your love and prayers.

i love when that smile lands on my lips

I can't express how much I love this man. I hope Joe doesn't mind me sharing this picture, but I do want him to know he is so appreciated and loved. I kind of skipped a lot of parts of Brigham's birth and I think this picture sums it up. The worry, concerns and tears that filled the room. Me in the back ground sobbing and Joe reverently standing by his broken son. I can't even imagine this experience with out him. He has kept me so optimistic and sees everything in an eternal perspective. I am grateful for his worthiness to hold the priesthood. Now more then ever it seems we rely only on our Heavenly Father. We have grown so close to our Savior and each other. It really has been quiet a neat experience. Joe is the best dad to our girls and sweet son. He is also the best husband to the lucky me. I remember a note Joe wrote to me when we were first married and he told me we would have experiences and trials in our life that would be hard, but if we came together hand in hand with faith in our Savior we would be able to endure them. How true this is and has become! You would think at this point in our life it would be hard to laugh and enjoy the moment, but as you know Joe always has a way to keep it light and fun (so we laugh and enjoy the moment). He is constantly making me smile and always giving me sweet kisses. Thank you babe for keeping my hope and faith at a peak. I hope I can return the favor. The days have been bright and our son has constantly fought with his tiny body. Brig is lucky to have such a great daddy. He will learn many things from him. And one day Brig will find a beautiful lady who will love him as much as I love his daddy. How blessed I am to have these two guys in my life. One little and mighty, one big and mighty. I love you Joe.

day 10

Sweet Little Brigham is doing so much better today! The first couple of days after surgery were so rocky. His numbers were crazy his heart rate was crazy, his lungs were deflated and his kidneys didn't seem to want to work! He was so swollen and looked terrible. The doctors here are amazing and are really working everything out. He is doing really good today. By really good I mean he's still not in great shape but much better. I will put up a few pictures of him when he's a bit less swollen. The news today is his creatnin levels are coming down, which means his kidneys are working a little better, the goals are to slowly ween him off a few meds, and are hoping to start giving him some breast milk (thank goodness, we are running out of room in the freezer). We are so encouraged by his improvements and we know the Lord is truly watching over our son.

On a different note...

Today I was thinking, you know those things you get tired out by when you have a baby?

Waking up ever few hours to feed.
Nestle them in bed with you as you feed.
Put cloths on and change those cloths when the poop out of a diaper or spit up.
Rock them for hours until they stop crying.
Hearing them cry.
Watching them open there eyes and look up at you.
Changing their diaper.
Swaddling them and holding them close to give comfort.
Watch them sleeping peaceful in a blanket.
Circumcision.
Family time (normality).

I will never take these things for granted again.

As for now, I consider myself pretty lucky that he is here on earth with our family. One step at a time. I just have to remind myself.

Thanks for all your prayers. We feel them and we feel everyones love and support! Thank you thank you...

a miracle indeed

I don't even know where to begin with this post... I've been putting it off because I can't even begin to tell the story of our sweet son without getting overwhelmed. I can say this has been one of the sweetest and scariest experiences. I will try not to put the graphic pictures on. So you see I only put up a few.

Part of his story:

Brigham arrived at 2:18 p.m. on Wednesday October 26, 2011. I was induced around 10:00 am. After 15 minutes of being fully dilated and fully effaced waiting on doctors I was ready to push. Two pushes later, he was out. weighing 7 pounds and 22 inches long. I can't and won't go into details, but it
was a very emotional birth with lots of doctors, nurses, and the transport team. I can't put into words the fight our little Brig put up. His story is truly a miracle. He is such a tough guy and we have been able to spend six wonderful days with him so far! Joe has been updating on his facebook if you want more details about the past six days.

The highlights...


survived delivery
survived placing of stent one hour after delivery.
no significant organ or brain damage.
I got to hold him.
six days close to Brigham and close to the Lord.
Brig received a name and a blessing.
survived major open heart surgery with heart and lung bypass at 6 days old.


I hope to continue to keep adding on to these highlights. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. We have been so blessed with so much support and help! We love you!


Brigham, we love you son. You have been so tough! Keep fighting sweet boy. I am so amazed by you and have loved having you and being close to you. Your little body has been working so hard, keep fighting Brigg! Your mamma loves you!