late. again.

i feel like i have been torn into pieces.
my stomach is rolling up and down the spine of my back.

i. am. the. worst. friend.

so i checked up on Kasey's blog...see how she is doing...

and there was her post. sweet.love.caring.memorable.

of course.

Kasey remembers Misti's birthday..
she is smart.

But misti is the one birthday i always remember?
and i forget...how strange.
im losing it.

at least i'm still dreaming about her.
ha. ha. not as weird as it sounds.

like 2 nights ago. i had a dream we were in the weight room...
and i was trying to do push ups...
and she kept pushing me down with her foot,
so i would do the 'elephant walk' else where..
and she would follow, just to tap me on the back with her foot.
it was hilarious..i literally woke up laughing.
it was weird because it was so funny.
misti was laughing too.
(it suddenly doesn't sound that funny)

anyway... i always tell Joe about me dreams of misti.
the are so frequent and always
about playing basketball or volleyball
or working out or something sporty.

and most of the time i pass them on to misti.
a little weird. but shes like family.
I still can't believe i missed her birthday!

One time in high school, our sophomore year i think?
i picked her up early in the morning for her birthday,
made her breakfast,
dressed her all up in pink.
made her wear pink underpanties over her pants.
painted pink eyeshadow on her eyes. and then...
made her carry around a huge pink pig bouncy ball..

what a friend i was.

yikes i am a horrible friend.
anyway

it was awesome, because she was a sport.
she went along with it...even though she didn't want to.
misti is always caring like that.
full of love and sport.

I love misti.
she has been one of my very best friends.
she always kept me honest. (even if she didn't know it)
she always made me feel wanted. and needed.
she was never judge mental.. when she could have been SOOO judge mental to me (EA)
she always smiles and is up for any competition.
she is one of the funniest people i know. (very easy to be around)

yep misti. you are so easy to be with.
you were/are such a good friend to me.

i love you to the core of my soul.
thanks for always being you.
easy.
fun.
challenged.
compassionate.

i hope you had a good birthday.
i'll call you later:)

sorry...i feel horrible i missed it.

love you mist.

easter dress

I'm proud to say...
i made this Easter dress...
with the help of my lovely mother-in-law.

Thanks Jackie for all the help and for teaching me.
I love this dress on her.
simply and sweet.

boys will be boys.

today i was at the park with Ryah.. enjoying the nice overcast weather...
These two sweet girls came to sit with us and started playing with ryah's chubby cheeks.
then running wild to collect pine cones that had fallen from the wind blown trees.
the ball i had brought was rolling back and forth between the three of us.

it was nice.

when all a sudden, the bully's of the court yard appeared...
one was the brother of the two girls playing with ryah
one a friend of the girls brother...and another boy
who was much too old to be playing with these seven year olds.

anyway the girls brother came over and suddenly started bossing us around.
yep us.
right when he was about to make us do jumping jacks...
krista bailed me out with a phone call(thanks)
I talked to her for about ten minutes, and the whole time he was waiting for me.
with a stern look on his face.
he would run off and then come back and start counting.
counting as in...you better get off the phone now or your going to get a spanken.
5..4..3..2..1..
he had a terrifying look...

so i finished up my phone conversation and to my surprise he wasn't waiting for me...
but wrestling with the other seven year old.
punching each other, kicking each other...
i sat and watched..
wondering if i should break it up?
Are they serious or just playing??
I didn't know.. so I sat and watched.
moving Ryah out of their wrestling area.

then the bigger boy the 10 year old steps in telling them each where to kick and punch.
"punch him in the lip", "kick him in the face"
i just sat and watched...a little shocked.

the 10 year old decided to go tackle the little boy
now on his back kicking,
the little boy jumped for his face and right then..
the bigger boy farted and said,
" oh i bet that tastes sweet in your mouth."

eewww..right then and there. i decided boys are gross.

it was quiet funny the difference between boys and girls.

the girls were sitting there, being motherly to Ryah
even though they were two and five... they already had the tender sweetness.
they were finding pine cones and counting them...
and rolling the ball back and forth...

while....

the boys wrestled and bullied us. (the girls)
farting in each others faces..
showing off..

i guess boys will be boys.
(interesting day at the park)

its a start

The process of food storage has begun.
Thank you Joe for picking everything up and getting things going.
(he is amazing)
we canned 3 different types of beans.
and next month will be rice.
(you can only pick up 13 bags every 30 days)

this was the last of everything, behind the counter on the other side of joe, there are cans piled up.

It felt so good to get food storage!
I know we will be blessed through it.

fading gray

yesterday my worst nightmare turned into a reality.
Ryah, my sweet precious girl fell down the stairs
top to bottom.

She woke up around 6:15 am and I went down to get her. I brought her back upstairs and set her down for a quick bathroom stop, and by the time i was done, I heard...

ba doomm doom bomp AHHH wahboom AHHH

I suddenly got the sickest feeling to my stomach.
instantly knowing she fell down the stairs.
It seems like I just jumped from the top of the stairs to the bottom.
where she lie.
I started shaking hysterically
as she lay crying limp less
i debated weather to pick her up
or call an ambulance...
I couldn't resist and softly took her crying body into my arms.
I said a prayer
pleading she wouldn't be hurt

and to my pleading thoughts
she sat up in my arms as if nothing had happened.
and she reached for a rubber band that sat beside us.
I took off her cloths
making sure there were no scratches/bruises
I started feeling her bones
poking her, seeing if any particular bone I pressed would hurt her...

but nothing...
I humbly said a prayer of thanks and called Joe.

that was quiet the experience.
I felt so horrible.
Joe and I talked about being more aware, now that she is mobile...
I can't take my eyes off her.

the second I open the front door she makes a mad crawl to get outside.
she is indeed an adventurous little girl.
And you can't help but smile when she looks at you with her big cheesy grin.

so yes...i think that experience made a gray streak of hair appear...
many more to come i assume.

I also was told that my car had been broken into...again..for the third time.

Luckily everything had already been stolen the first two times.
so...there was nothing left except a car seat and a stroller...
I am actually surprised they just didn't take it?
That actually left me laughing
(joe told me this after i told him Ryah fell down the stairs)
so his news was quiet good news compared to my news.

All in all..ryah must be made of steel.
she is happpier then ever
with a new "snaggle" tooth.
her top left came in before her front
and i love it.i love her. i love her. i love her.