Can you shake me any harder?

We met with the fetal cardiologist on Monday and got to see what our little mans heart was doing and not doing. Basically the left side of his heart does not work and the right side is working double time. We talked and learned about the Norwood, Glenn, and Fontan surgeries. The Norwood is the first surgery he'll have ranging from 3-7 days old. The glenn will happen anywhere between 3-6 months and the fontan will occur between the age of 2-4 years. It breaks my heart knowing our baby will have to undergo three open heart surgeries before he is 4 years old, but we know it's his best chance of survival. We also learned we won't be able to bring him home until after the recovery of the second surgery because of the altitude change in the mountains. Which brings Joe and I to some more difficult decisions pertaining to Joes second year of nursing, splitting our family, babysitters, moving, styaing, jobs, and many many more. We have no idea what we are going to do. I just feel like someone has grabed me by the sholders and has shaken the wits out of me. It's so reasurring to have Joe by my side. Its a little weird I can feel peace while being shaken so hard. But thats the great blessing of the Holy Ghost. We will see what the future holds, I know whatever it has in store for us we will be ok and we will and already have grown from this experience.

On a lighter note, You know your emotions are running high when your listening to Usher's- Oh My Gosh and you start crying...Then laughing because your crying when the USH man is singing "girl you got a booty like wow oh wow". Need I say more? Emotional wreck...OVER HERE.

I also just realized the place where you leave comments on my blog says who haaass... anyone know what a who ha is? Or is that just Joes dirty word? hehe

Also my sweet Ryah Jane turned 3! My mother-in-law is awesome! She came over made Ryah her favorite pancake and bacon/sausage breakfast, then she threw her an amazing afternoon party with all her family and friends. I was reclining watching her do everything since I was on bed rest. She has been so helpful and is so so amazing! I don't know what I would do without her right now. Ryah wanted a hello kitty bike for her birthday (pretty random) but thats what she got! So here are some pictures of the party...these are for you Kate, James, Krista, Shelley, Nate and Randy.

Aubree overdosing on sugar

My sweet Mckay and Nolan

some of the fam

Gavin and Ian thrilled with shooting their lizard

Joe being a good daddy to all those kids

Eden also overdosing on sugar

And the sweet birthday girl! We love you so much Ryah, you have been so fun and you are such a good girl! You have the best personality and you are always keeping me laughing. I'm sorry I cut your bangs really bad,

You are still super cute! I hope you had a good birthday!

i see beauty all around

For the past week I have been wondering if the world will ever look like this again... And for the past week, everyday I get a more and more confirmed answer it is more beautiful then ever...

For those of you who may be out of the loop, Joe and I have news our baby boy will have a severe heart condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I have felt so many emotions in this past week then I have ever felt in my entire life. How it started:

I got my first ultrasound Thursday June 9, we found out it was a boy and we were both so thrilled at the news. Obviously the ultrasound tech can't tell us she found any problems so we both figured everything was perfect. We left for lake Powell that Saturday and I got a phone call from the medical center in Snowflake on Wednesday telling me I needed to schedule an appointment for an ultrasound. I was confused and told the receptionist I had just had my ultrasound, the she became confused and asked me, "have you not talked to the doctor"? Then I had to wait two hours for him to call back. This whole time I was freaking out wondering what in the world was going on. The Dr. then called me back explaining what they saw on the ultrasound and that I needed to go in for a second look. My second ultrasound was then scheduled on the following Monday in Mesa.

Thank you everyone who fasted and prayed for us. We could definitely feel your love and prayers. We felt very comforted and felt peace in a time of chaos. 

So Joe and I drove down to Mesa Monday morning and took more pictures talked to the Dr. and he basically confirmed everything the radiologist here had saw. It had been really difficult knowing our baby will have to go through so much to survive, but we know he is a fighter and we are ready and willing to take on whatever our Heavenly Father has in store for us. Later that evening on the drive home, we stopped to get gas and Joe had suggested I go to the   bathroom so we didn't have to stop in Payson. As I got out of the car Joe had called me back because he thought I spilled something on my nice clean white pants. As I walked back we both realized it wasn't a spill but I was bleeding. So we rushed home in time to get to the Dr. and by the time we got there I was really bleeding. He sent us right up to the hospital, he had thought my membrane had ruptured. He gave us the possibility of us delivering that night with the chances of the baby not making it. So Joe and I were preparing and exerting everything we had for loosing our baby. When we got to the hospital we went right back and found ourselves in a whole new level of emotions. They took the first test to see if there was amniotic fluid and it came back positive. To us and medically this basically meant the baby had to be out it 24 hours. My dad and Joe gave me a beautiful blessing and I felt very comforted and loved. The ultrasound tech came in and threw us for a whole new loop. He said the amniotic fluid levels were fine, the baby was still moving around in there. Which we all could feel. Everyone got to feel him. He saw that the placenta had moved and was now covering my cervix. This presented a whole new problem called placenta previa. They said as long as I'm not leaking fluid and I can feel the baby I can go home. Now I am on bed rest until they know what to do with me... Joe and I are still a little confused about the whole thing, but we know the Lord is in control and He has power over all things. We have been very humbled and have truly felt everyone's prayers. We thank you for everyone who has offered to help and who has taken our girls and brought us food. It really is humbling when you have zero control. 

Joe and I cant express how much we already love this baby boy. He has already taught us faith, love, and is still teaching us patience. I have felt my Saviors love and realize how many blessing I have. There truly is beauty all around me. I know I am being molded into what Heavenly Father wants me to be. It has been really hard, and I'm pretty sure I cry constantly still, but I do have faith in my Savior and I know he has a plan for this baby boy of ours. As of now thank you all again for everything. Our family has felt all of your prayers and fasts, we love you and I will keep updating every time I find out something new so no one gets left in the dark.

keeping the faith

the best husband ever.

So for my birthday Joe once again gave me a wonderful surprise! We went to Durango Colorodo and spent 2 days snowboarding at Purgatory. It was so dang fun! By the end we were getting brave and found a "starters" park. It was a lot of fun trying the rails and doing different things. These are a few of the pictures we took, it was so beautiful there and the weather was so nice. We actually got sun burns.

Lets just say Joe is the most thoughtful, wonderful husband ever. I had so much fun on this trip:) I think Joe would agree. We stayed in a little condo with a fire place and hot tubs right out side. It was such a nice get away! Thank you Joe for such a wonderful birthday. Your the best gift giver ever! I love you so much and had a great time. YOU'RE the bestest!

extra big

I'm so proud to have this little girl. She is so sweet. She is 13 months old and...

+ is off her bottle
+ off her pacifier
+ plays so good with Ryah
+ she is so patient with waiting her turn to play with mom/dad
+ super happy, even though she is teething
+ lays right down for bed
+ eats table food like a pro.

and...

+ Shes walking! shes getting big fast!

We love you Aubree and are so happy to have you as part of our family

i love him

Last night I was reading to Joe and as I was doing this he told me how beautiful I was.

I just want to say, it's nice to hear that. a n y t i m e.

Especially after wearing your hair on top of your head all day, and staying in frumpy work out cloths because you've been cleaning and chasing kids all day...

He makes me feel so good. and i love him