i see beauty all around

For the past week I have been wondering if the world will ever look like this again... And for the past week, everyday I get a more and more confirmed answer it is more beautiful then ever...

For those of you who may be out of the loop, Joe and I have news our baby boy will have a severe heart condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I have felt so many emotions in this past week then I have ever felt in my entire life. How it started:

I got my first ultrasound Thursday June 9, we found out it was a boy and we were both so thrilled at the news. Obviously the ultrasound tech can't tell us she found any problems so we both figured everything was perfect. We left for lake Powell that Saturday and I got a phone call from the medical center in Snowflake on Wednesday telling me I needed to schedule an appointment for an ultrasound. I was confused and told the receptionist I had just had my ultrasound, the she became confused and asked me, "have you not talked to the doctor"? Then I had to wait two hours for him to call back. This whole time I was freaking out wondering what in the world was going on. The Dr. then called me back explaining what they saw on the ultrasound and that I needed to go in for a second look. My second ultrasound was then scheduled on the following Monday in Mesa.

Thank you everyone who fasted and prayed for us. We could definitely feel your love and prayers. We felt very comforted and felt peace in a time of chaos. 

So Joe and I drove down to Mesa Monday morning and took more pictures talked to the Dr. and he basically confirmed everything the radiologist here had saw. It had been really difficult knowing our baby will have to go through so much to survive, but we know he is a fighter and we are ready and willing to take on whatever our Heavenly Father has in store for us. Later that evening on the drive home, we stopped to get gas and Joe had suggested I go to the   bathroom so we didn't have to stop in Payson. As I got out of the car Joe had called me back because he thought I spilled something on my nice clean white pants. As I walked back we both realized it wasn't a spill but I was bleeding. So we rushed home in time to get to the Dr. and by the time we got there I was really bleeding. He sent us right up to the hospital, he had thought my membrane had ruptured. He gave us the possibility of us delivering that night with the chances of the baby not making it. So Joe and I were preparing and exerting everything we had for loosing our baby. When we got to the hospital we went right back and found ourselves in a whole new level of emotions. They took the first test to see if there was amniotic fluid and it came back positive. To us and medically this basically meant the baby had to be out it 24 hours. My dad and Joe gave me a beautiful blessing and I felt very comforted and loved. The ultrasound tech came in and threw us for a whole new loop. He said the amniotic fluid levels were fine, the baby was still moving around in there. Which we all could feel. Everyone got to feel him. He saw that the placenta had moved and was now covering my cervix. This presented a whole new problem called placenta previa. They said as long as I'm not leaking fluid and I can feel the baby I can go home. Now I am on bed rest until they know what to do with me... Joe and I are still a little confused about the whole thing, but we know the Lord is in control and He has power over all things. We have been very humbled and have truly felt everyone's prayers. We thank you for everyone who has offered to help and who has taken our girls and brought us food. It really is humbling when you have zero control. 

Joe and I cant express how much we already love this baby boy. He has already taught us faith, love, and is still teaching us patience. I have felt my Saviors love and realize how many blessing I have. There truly is beauty all around me. I know I am being molded into what Heavenly Father wants me to be. It has been really hard, and I'm pretty sure I cry constantly still, but I do have faith in my Savior and I know he has a plan for this baby boy of ours. As of now thank you all again for everything. Our family has felt all of your prayers and fasts, we love you and I will keep updating every time I find out something new so no one gets left in the dark.

keeping the faith