I really had a hard time the next two days after that. I'm sure the lack of sleep didn't help, but I just kept thinking about how I won't get to hold my baby when he comes out, I won't get to see him for 3 seconds without tubes all over him and we are going to be in two separate hospitals, how am I to be with him if I am recovering in the hospital next door? To say the least I was scared. I finally told Joe my feelings because I'm pretty sure they were literally eating me away. He is so good for me. He got me in the right thinking and it was so nice just to get those feelings off my chest. I am scared to death and so unprepared for whatever is to come. For now I am trying to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
Anyway, enough on feelings. My home/yard is coming along so nicely! I love it. I love being home and I love looking out my front window and having the view that I have. Here are the pictures of my lovely outside!
The before:
The After:
4 comments:
beautiful yard, i love a green grassed yard :) we'll be sending our prayers from co when you go into labor with that sweet boy. get yourself some rest for the time being!!
Keep smiling girl! Love you and am praying for your fam!
Chelsea,
I have been reading your blog for the last few months and have cried right along with you. This emotional heart breaking roller coaster your on, I rode 4 years ago. It breaks my heart for you.
Our sweet Zoe had similar problems. One was a heart defect that if she survived the first surgery and was stable enough we would fly her to Boston to have the heart surgery. Because I was carrying twins nothing could be done in vitro. In fact at first the doctors were trying to convince me to terminate baby b (Zoe). I was in and out of the hospital, meeting teams and teams of doctors. Every appt was either TEARS or HOPE. Such a roller coaster of emotions. I ended up having a c-section as birth would be too traumatic for Zoe. She was pulled out and before they cut the cord she was on Ecmo. From that point on we were separated. We didn't get to "meet" her. She was rushed off and sent to a round the min. care Nicu. Unfortunately they were not able to stabilize her long enough for her much needed surgeries. She survived only for 12 hours. They told us that she would never be able to come off life support and that it was our decision to turn of the machines. HARDEST and most unselfish thing I have ever had to do. She was here for one thing....a body. She pierced our hearts and was ready to return to our Father in Heaven. As a mother I selfishly wanted her here with me. I really struggled for the first year and half. It just didn't make sense why anyone would have to bury a child. But I do know that Heavenly Father does have a plan and that one day it will all make sense and we will be glad for the sacrifices we have made as a family. I KNOW she is doing wonderful work in Heaven that could only be performed in Heaven. For that I am grateful.
You don't know how strong you are until that's all you have left. Whatever is in store for you and sweet Brigham I hope you know how precious and angelic he is. You have been blessed with such a sweet spirit. Whether you get to raise him here or in Heaven he is yours FOREVER!
Sorry I have been rambling on, I know I don't know you very well but my heart is with you and your family at this time. Keep your chin up and remember Heavenly Father looks with Eternal eyes.
My prayers are with you :)
It looks beautiful!! :)
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